In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy for couples to get caught up in the daily grind of work, children, and household chores, often neglecting their own relationship. But couple time is essential for sustaining love and intimacy.
History has shown that couple time has always been valued, even if it hasn’t always been a recognised trend. Authors like Vita Sackville West and Virginia Woolf, among others, have shared stories of their trips and adventures together, highlighting the importance of quality time for couples.
A relationship can suffer if all the focus is on practical aspects like work, children, or household responsibilities. In attachment theory, it’s understood that relationships require more than just fulfilling practical needs; they also need love, attention, and emotional connection. By spending time together, couples can rekindle their emotional bond, which might be difficult to achieve amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life.
When couples only see each other as domestic companions or parents, the sexual and sensual aspects of their relationship may fade into the background. To rekindle desire and intimacy, creating a separate space away from everyday responsibilities can be really helpful. This allows both partners to relax, be themselves, and open up again.
Stress can be detrimental to intimacy and sexual desire. When we are overwhelmed with work, childcare, or household tasks, stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline can overpower the feel-good hormones involved in eroticism, such as oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. Taking time away from stress allows the erotic hormones to work their magic, paving the way for a renewed sense of connection.
Our nervous system plays an important role in shaping our emotional and sexual responses. Couples who can relax and play together activate the parasympathetic side of the nervous system, associated with rest, relaxation, and digestion. This creates an opportunity for safety and new emotional connections. As a result, the sympathetic side of the nervous system, linked to excitement and arousal, can also flourish.
In order to reconnect emotionally, sensually and sexually, couples need time to play, feel safe, and naturally build their connection. Stressing over intimacy or sex can lead to negative cycles of pressure and disappointment. Taking time away together, even for just one night regularly, without pressure to make love but just with the intention to enjoy each other and relax together, can make a big difference to the relationship.
My Top Tips for Cultivating Couple Time
- Monthly getaways: Plan a one-night getaway or longer each month to enjoy each other’s company without the pressure of s-xual expectations.
- Weekly dates: Carve out time for a weekly date, which can be as simple as going for a walk, visiting a museum, watching a documentary together, or any activity you both enjoy.
- Pleasure dates: Explore different types of pleasure together, such as a relaxing bath or spa session, a short massage, dancing to your favourite songs, or even a blindfolded tasting session where you feed each other delicious pieces of food like orange or chocolate.
- Touch dates: Choose some relaxing music and take turns to give and receive touch for a set amount of time, such as 3 or 10 minutes.
- Open communication: Talk about your desires and fantasies, including what kind of pleasure you might like, what turns you on, and discover what might interest you both, such as sensual, energetic, creative, or even kinky experiences.
Through regular getaways and meaningful activities together, couples can strengthen their connection, making their relationship more resilient and fulfilling. Remember, just like a plant needs watering to thrive, couple space needs nurturing to flourish. So, take the time to invest in your relationship, and watch it bloom.
