Forgiveness is an enormous subject. So enormous that there are many, many books, religions, courses and centres devoted to this.
When people have hurt us and never apologised, it can be hard to overcome. Sometimes we cannot be near those people again.
But we can go on a process to allow ourselves to heal the hurt. We have the opportunity to do the work to release what has happened to us or what we have done to others.
Going on a journey is often about giving to ourselves what we needed. When we were hurt by someone we may not have had the resources to be or do anything differently. But given the chance, we may choose to grow new parts of us – new boundaries, ways of saying “no” and “yes”, new compassions and understandings.
Or if you feel you have done something wrong, can you also be forgiving to yourself or take a journey to process your situation? We do not have to repeat what has happened if we take the time to fully release and learn from it.
Tips for letting go
- Writing letters that you don’t send to the people you resent. Writing letter after letter until you feel you have released your tension.
- The ‘Temperature Gauge’ by Virginia Satir or the shortened version ‘The Appreciation Sandwich’: (a) I appreciate that you have been through so much, or I appreciate many things about you (name them). (b) I am puzzled by or I wonder what you meant when you said that or did this? (c) My request would be, can we talk about this? Please never comment on my looks like that etc.
- Find two things that were positive about this person that you learned from them and two of the negative things from them that gave you something.
- Remember that when this other person was awful to you, most likely they were spiritually/mentally/emotionally unwell.
- Reach out to others for support – don’t be on your own with this process.
- Find techniques and ways to ground yourself and help you to let go e.g. walks in nature, meditation, visualise yourself in a ball of light, imagine putting all the difficulties in a balloon that floats far far away, get weighted blankets and make yourself feel supported, attend support groups, share with like-minded souls around you.
I wish you well on your own unique journey of forgiveness.
Love Cate x
