Couples

Couples who decide to come for therapy often create big shifts in their relationship. Getting support to untangle yourself from your arguments and move deeper into love can make all the difference.

  • Are you frustrated by the lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship or the sexual demands of your partner?
  • Do you feel hopeless about your connection?
  • Would you like to learn how to communicate so that you both feel deeply heard?

Being in a relationship is a very unique experience and can provide deep awareness and growth for each person. It can be really helpful to see a therapist to help you deepen what you already have or clear up the pain that has built up.

Just as you would get an MOT for your car or a yearly check for your boiler, it makes sense to get support to help your relationship work more smoothly.

I help couples develop better communication skills so that they can really hear each other’s pain, frustrations and resentments, and then begin a process of forgiveness. This can transform a relationship from gridlock into a safe and supportive haven.

A big part of this is to see the communication and relationship patterns you have co-created that prevent you from connecting as you might wish to.

I also teach couples the art of flirting and how to bring back the spark into their connection.

I support couples to build the relationship that they dearly want through a series of deep communication techniques, embodiment practices, and a lot of fun and creativity.

How it works

I use a mixture of skills and methods to help you get your relationship back on track.

I work with Emotionally Focused Couples’ Therapy by Dr Sue Johnson, Psychosexual Therapy,  Encounter-Centred Couples’ Transformation Therapy based on the pioneering work of Hedy Schleifer from the Imago Relationship Therapy of Harville Hendrix, Internal Family Systems Therapy and Intimacy from the Inside Out by Toni Herbine-Blank, as well as influences from play and embodiment practices such as Sensorimotor Therapy. I also use the work of Terry Real and Relational Life Therapy which is guided by tracking and data collecting, healing trauma and giving tools for creating good relationships.

I take couples on a journey through a series of sessions where I teach them how to open the relational space, create a relationship vision and clear past hurts. This helps you to create a loving attachment with each other so that you feel safe, and in that safety all kinds of new adventures may open up.

We will track what happens in each of you when you are triggered — what do you think, feel in your body and how do you act? And you will learn how to express your deepest feelings, needs and wants to each other. You will come away with new tools for navigating difficulties, together as a team.

Once the couple can learn how to reconnect, come back to presence and deeply hear each other, this opens up the connection, the sexuality and the love. We then may explore how embodiment practices may bring back a sense of play, love and intimacy.

We would book an initial session and then, if you choose to, commit to 6 sessions while outlining a journey forward. 

This is a slide about the negative cycle between a couple and how often the top layer argument is hiding the vulnerable feelings. If the atmosphere can be developed where people can feel safe enough to speak from their hearts then the entire milieu can become more authentic.

Intimacy From the Inside Out

Relationships are living systems. They breathe, stretch and sometimes get stuck. Even the most loving couples can find themselves falling into the same pattern repeatedly. One person becomes louder. The other pulls away. Words get sharper or colder. Hearts feel further apart.

Often, it is not really about the moment or the topic of the argument. It is about something more profound that is trying to be protected.

In this approach, we recognise that each partner has different internal parts. Some parts try to manage situations. Some parts protect. And there are vulnerable parts inside that carry essential feelings and needs. These parts can become activated very quickly in relationships. When this happens, communication can feel impossible, and both people can feel alone or misunderstood.

Through IFIO work, we slow everything down. We look at what is happening in the moment with kindness rather than judgment. We pay attention to what each person is feeling and what each part is trying to do. We follow the thread of what is underneath the anger, the silence, or the defensiveness.

Little by little, each partner begins to feel safer to share what is true for them. They can express emotion in a way that allows the other person to truly take it in.

And they can stay connected to themselves while also staying connected to each other.

This creates a space for:

• Deeper understanding of what is going on inside each person

• Honest and courageous communication

• Soothing the nervous system when it feels overwhelmed

• Listening in a way that helps the other feel held and valued

• Creating shared intentions for how you want to care for each other

The aim of this work is not perfection. It is not the absence of conflict. It is learning how to stay close even when something difficult has been touched. It is discovering that behind every protective move, there is a more profound longing to feel safe, respected and loved.

Across our work together, couples often describe a growing sense of warmth and friendship again. They feel more at home in the relationship. They rediscover how to hold each other gently. They build a connection that feels stronger because it is real.

If this feels like the support you are both looking for, I would be honoured to guide you.

I support couples with:

  • Sexual shame
  • Low or high desire issues or lack of sex
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Porn addiction
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Vaginismus
  • Dyspareunia
  • Creating a loving relationship
  • Bridging and other communication tools
  • Flirting
  • Affairs
  • Impact of loss/illness/stress on the relationship
  • Deciding to marry
  • Deciding to have children
  • Learning about sensuality
  • How to create an ending
  • Having a child 
  • Marriage counselling

What people are saying

Cate is a truly gifted and extraordinary facilitator who brings full-hearted commitment to everything she does. Her coaching sessions are absolutely life changing and magical experiences. She brings a depth of understanding which is grounded in years of therapeutic practice to her immensely supportive and trustworthy coaching style. Her unique magic, openness and creativity allow dreams to become reality. When Cate waves her magic wand, everything becomes possible! 🙂

Katie