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Read more about the article Couples therapy podcast with Denise Van Outen and Eddie Boxshall

Couples therapy podcast with Denise Van Outen and Eddie Boxshall

  • Post author:adil
  • Post published:March 8, 2021
  • Post category:Blog

I am part of a new podcast Before We Say I Do with Denise Van Outen and her partner Eddie Boxshall which has been top of the relationship podcast charts. Denise and…

Continue ReadingCouples therapy podcast with Denise Van Outen and Eddie Boxshall

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    Attachment Theory describes the idea our behaviour Attachment Theory describes the idea our behaviours were formed in childhood as you modelled or adapted to your caregivers. It is important to be seen and met warmly to feel secure. If you didn't get enough of this, you may have tried to push for it, or avoided it, or dropped emotional bombs to be noticed and may find relationships difficult. It can be helpful to know which styles you may be moving in so that you can begin to heal or repair any early ruptures, and begin to have safer relationships. See which styles you might relate to. You might feel more secure in one environment, and more insecure in another situation - these styles can move around and change over time depending on what is happening in your life. The metaphors are: Octopus - anxious attachment, Turtle - avoidant attachment, Jellyfish - disorganised attachment, Dolphin - secure attachment. The Octopus has no internal shell, so they feel really sensitive and scared to let people in; frightened they are going to get hurt. They may obsess about whether things are right or wrong, rather than being in their heart and feeling what they feel. There are great gifts with Octopi; they often have many tentacles in many pies, so they can do a lot and are can be high-achievers, but they need to learn how to slow down and feel in their body and their heart. Octopi never felt like it got enough love or affection. So, it can be quite critical of others, because they are checking out "will they love me?" They may have been an adultified child; they took on responsibility too young. This may have given them a lot of skills, but it also may mean that they are constantly reaching, doing, and working, without knowing how to stop and be present and open their heart to someone. The Octopus can come across as very sharp and critical. They are fast and quick-thinkers - they are checking out whether or not they can trust you! It is difficult for the Octopus to understand that their abrupt manner can put people off. They feel that they are being authentic - and this is true, but if the Octopus can learn to soften, then people can actually receive the true depth of their real heart. Octopus' can really love.
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